Beyond Sex: How I Came to Erotic Wholeness

The other day I had a chance to open a time capsule as it were, watching a series of videos from 4.5 years ago of my then partner and I speaking about our approach to slowness and deep presence in lovemaking and how that informed our personal relating as well as our coaching and teaching.

Have you ever had a moment like that? A mix of awkward and awesome?

That’s how it felt to me, looking back at myself then. My how I’ve grown! Also, it felt really wonderful to sense clearly the essence of my passion still pulsing true even as I’ve journeyed from sharing it first through the lens of tantra then somatic sex and intimacy coaching and now as the path to Erotic Wholeness. There is a common thread woven throughout and that is what I carry to you.

So much of what I have always been devoted to is helping people to feel themselves, to be more fully present in their embodiment, capacious in their authenticity and vulnerability and to show up in their lives and relationships with more presence as a result.

What has changed over the years is how it’s less about sex as the main focus, also less about exclusively what happens in romantic partnering with another human, beautiful and transformative though those can be.

Increasingly, for me and those I guide, even when working with couples and even though sex is still very much in the mix, it’s more about a state of being in relation to our own self and the wide world around us. It’s also about community connection and rooting into a sense of belonging to the wild web of life. This is what I’ve come to term Erotic Wholeness.

Erotic Wholeness is the meeting of deep intimacy and deep ecology. It’s a reference to how be human in the more than human world. To be so fully enlivened in our sensing and feeling bodies, aware of the states of our nervous system and emotional body and present to the truth of our soul that we can actually show up in life and in relationship as a whole person, not the fragmented, compartmentalized, conditioned pieces that, frankly, most of us have spent our lives as and built our identities around.

And when I say “relationship” I really do mean all forms of it. I include how we relate to facets of our own psyche and personality, how we relate to place, to the more than human beings around us, to the patterns and systems of our cultures and societies, to the ineffable mysteries of life. What we eat, where we live, the activities we engage in, these matter just as much as who we are sharing sex and love with.

The constant focus, in mainstream American culture anyway, on how we relate with that one special person we’re destined to share our life with, to merge into dyadic union to the exclusion of all others with, that can be dangerous stuff and if not dangerous, dissatisfying for many. It simply isn’t working for the vast majority of people, let alone the wider web of life. We sense that something is missing.

Do you “know” what I’m talking about at a level deeper than your mind? Have you felt that there must be something more? I agree that there is!

We need to be present and share intimacy with so much more than any one other human in order to experience our fullest potential and thriving. And with all that’s happening now in the world, many of us are really beginning to accept this as fact. Yet many are also feeling very bewildered and confused about how to move toward a new paradigm. How to cultivate the skills that underly this quality of relating I speak of? How to open up to connections beyond a 1:1 human partnership that genuinely feel satisfying?

As has always been the way of it for me, I am taking my own journey and offering myself up in service to those who are perhaps a few steps behind where I am on the path. Just as my guides and teachers have been steps ahead of me and turned around, extending a generous and loving hand to help me continue on, my honor and pleasure is to do the same for you. My hand is open. May you feel free to reach out and take it.

About

Erotic Wholeness Guide

I believe that each of us tending to our personal erotic liberation is an essential contribution to our collective liberation.

My journey began as a precocious child who loved to dance, move, touch and speak her mind boldly. I once thought I’d become a lawyer and spent more than a decade building a successful corporate career early in my adult life only to find my heart calling for something radically different. That call led me to blaze a path across the terrain of sexuality, somatics, social justice and soul.

Inspiration and guidance have come to me from many sources, including the potent voices of the Black intersectional feminist movement, the pancultural wisdom of many earth-based traditions and powerful modalities such as Somatic Experiencing and Sexological Bodywork.

I’m deeply honored to serve and inspire in the ways I do.

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A GUIDE FOR MINDFUL MASTURBATION MEDITATION

This guide is here to introduce you to the practice of Mindful Masturbation Meditation as a means of deepening intimacy with yourself and coming more alive in all aspects of your life. So yes, I mean your sex life, but also so much more!

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