We’ve already glimpsed what happens in a somatic sex and intimacy coaching session and now it’s time to peek behind the door of a bodywork session where boundaries and parameters differ as does the relational dynamic between my clients and I.
“Will I be naked?”
“Will you be naked?”
“What exactly is going to happen?”
These are a few of the first questions I regularly field when having a conversation with someone who is considering whether the style of erotic bodywork sessions I offer feel like a right fit for them. And the answers are Maybe. No. And it depends.
When choosing a bodywork session, whether it is rooted in the methodology of Sexological Bodywork or encompasses a more esoteric, tantric framework, you’re choosing to enter into a container that has a wide range of possibility but is free from expectations or agendas. There are clear roles of giver - me - and receiver - you - so that you can experience what is available to you when you focus entirely on yourself during an erotic journey as opposed to focusing on whomever else you’re with at the time. That’s worlds different than what many of us have known before and has the potential to change your world when it comes to sex!
You could be naked. But you could also choose to keep some or all of your clothing on. You set the pace. As for me, I will be keeping my clothes on, and wearing gloves when I come into direct contact with your genitals. Why the asymmetrical parameters? Because this session is all about you! What you feel, sense and desire. What unfolds when you don’t have to worry about reciprocating, pleasing, tracking or being judged by the person sharing an erotic experience with you. What is possible when your practitioner holds a container built on high integrity, professionalism and care to give you as strong a sense of safety as possible so you can tread into territory that might otherwise feel unsafe, or is simply just unknown to you.
In these sessions what we endeavor to do is chart the pathways to your embodied erotic pleasure. I will guide you into connection with your inner landscape, encouraging and empowering you to tap into the wisdom and potency that already exists within you, as well as introduce you to your body - and yes, this can include breasts, genitals and anus - with a degree of focus and intimacy that is likely greater than you’ve known before. For far too many of us, that really is unknown territory. It’s so common that our sexual experiences have fallen into a few categories that are sadly accepted as “normal” yet are deeply lacking when it comes to our sense of aliveness and fulfillment.
“I masturbate just to get off. It’s usually really quick, rushed even, and doesn’t include any part of my body besides my genitals.”
“I don’t really know what I like when it comes to sex. I’ve never really focused on what feels good to me. If my partner seems to enjoy it and has an orgasm, I consider it good sex.”
“Almost every time I’ve had sex, I’ve felt incomplete. It’s like there’s supposed to be something more to it but I’m missing out while everyone else seems to be clued in.”
Do any of those sound familiar to you? It wouldn’t surprise me if you were nodding your head Yes. The reality is we do not live in a time or place that places a priority on pleasure, nor are the vast majority of us given any sort of sex education that teaches us the meaningful building blocks necessary to create experiences of truly satisfying intimacy and sexual connection in our lives. So if the sex you’ve been having sounds like any of the above, let’s get something straight that I know is true without ever having met you: It’s not your fault! And it doesn’t have to be the way it’s always been!
The bodywork sessions that I offer fill in the missing pieces so you actually can have a map to profound pleasure and quality connection in your erotic experiences. We place a high value on your experience of enjoyment, with the understanding that often times being with pain and numbness is an essential passage that must be taken in order to also grow your capacity to be with the ecstasy your body, heart and soul were made to feel. We will also spend time with building blocks such as learning how to identify your boundaries, empower your voice, become intimately aware of your desires and find ease in your erotic nature. The education you receive is a holistic one that centers around YOUR direct experiences, not those of your partner(s), not the expectations of society, not the unrealistic modeling seen in most contemporary media outlets.
Together we will explore at a pace that is gentle enough for you to really stay present, advanced enough for you to grow and always attuned to deepening your intimacy with your own self. We might spend our time with a genital show-and-tell where you actually take an in depth look and get to know parts of your anatomy that may be unfamiliar. We might map your genitals, which consists of determining where access to sensation is strongest and where it is not, working to enliven your body so that you can sense and feel the greatest amount of sensation and emotion while amidst an erotic encounter. We might create an erotic massage where you surrender to the depths of pleasure your body is truly capable of, letting go with the aid of your breath, sound, movement, and imagination into realms of delight that you sensed were possible but haven’t regularly, if ever, reached before.
Regardless of the activities and practices that are woven into your bodywork session, the overarching intention is all about your sense of presence, ease and enjoyment within your own sweet and wondrous self. There is no guarantee of safety anywhere in this life. That’s simply a fact. Yet each of us can learn what we need to feel safe – to feel relaxed, receptive and empowered – in our bodies and in our relationships, so that we can navigate from there to create experiences of intimacy, erotic exchange and sensual delight that fill rather than deplete us. Because there absolutely is SO MUCH MORE that is possible in our sex lives than what is typically shown on the screen or chatted about over happy hour. There is a wide world of exquisite possibility and it is both your birthright and my pleasure for you to know what it’s all about, for you!