The following share was inspired by the writing of Matt Licata, a lucid voice for the somatic human experience whose understanding of what is to be as we are deeply resonates with me. Follow him at https://www.facebook.com/mattlicataphd for your daily dose. And please know, dear reader, that everything I share with you is a glimpse into my own experience, which is very much our shared experience. I am living, learning and loving right alongside you. It's an honor to be able to offer you insight from my journey in service to your own, knowing that we are all ultimately heading to the same place,
I've been touching into the deep, tender core wounds of abandonment that my young self has carried for all these years of living.
Just yesterday, as a matter of fact, they were prodded with such fierce intensity I thought I'd rather die than feel that kind of pain.
What an opportunity to extend my own hand to the outstretched fingers of the little one within, reaching for her, choosing her, loving her.
And yes, the impulse to flee arose. So I let myself run to a space that felt just safe enough, just comfortable enough, to allow this massive energy move through me.
And yes, the impulse to freeze arose. So I let myself be held just enough for the loving presence of witnesses and self to thaw it out and return to presence again.
And yes, the impulse to fight arose. So I let myself give just enough voice to the rage, shame and pain to dissipate its charge and come back to here and now.
And then I found breath, relaxation and stillness again. Then I came back to being, little one and present self holding each other as one.
Slowly, at times awkwardly and painfully, I'm learning what love is really about, and that it is always rooted in our own self even when we project or attach it externally.
I'm learning how I've carried such deep imprints about being unloveable and the profound fear that comes from being abandoned that I've clung to love that was less than true and people who were never in a position to really hold me to begin with.
I'm learning how to truly love and hold myself now. I'm learning to source support from within, and when I reach out, it's for support that is in integrity and alignment with my commitment to waking up.
It's a full time job, a job for many a lifetime perhaps, and I'm the only one who can do it.