Behind Closed Doors: What Happens in a Somatic Sex & Intimacy Coaching Session

“What exactly are we going to do?” is a question that just about everyone considering working with me asks when first we speak. Because this style of work is still relatively new in the grand scheme of personal growth, healing and wellness, very few people have an accurate sense of what happens when the door closes and the journey begins. And even more people have some very wild and wonderful ideas about what happens that may or may not be so accurate!

99.9% of people showing up for their very first session feel an enlivening, perhaps somewhat petrifying, mix of excited and nervous. Think about it. . . how often do we get to step into a space where talking about our deepest desires, secret fantasies, buried pain and boundless potential is on the agenda? How many people are prioritizing time in their busy lives for getting the touch they want and exploring the healing power of pleasure? In somatic sex and intimacy coaching, we don’t just talk about these things, we embody them!

First, let me clearly distinguish the two different types of sessions that the majority of my clients seek me out for. In what I refer to as coaching sessions, we have the opportunity to get very hands on while also keeping our clothes on and play across a broad spectrum of relational dynamics in real time to enhance your learning, healing and expansion. These are rooted strongly in the Somatica Method. In bodywork sessions, the opportunity is for you to have an erotic therapeutic experience receiving one directional touch inclusive of your genitals, be it to remediate pain or dysfunction, learn more about the anatomy of your arousal, enhance your experience of orgasm and expand what is possible in the realms of sexual pleasure. These are Sexological Bodywork sessions. Both coaching and bodywork sessions may include influences from my diverse background in various Tantra lineages as well as the wisdom of the trauma sensitive modalities I incorporate.

In this post we’re looking at what happens in a coaching session, since bodywork sessions have different parameters and aims. I’ll go more into those in a separate post.

In this body-focused, experiential approach to exploring and experimenting with the intricacies and dynamics of relationship, you are invited into the co-creation of an authentic connection with me as your coach. Since so many aspects of what alludes or ails us in our intimate life are rooted in relationship, it stands to reason that the remedy or opportunity for transformation also lies there. We learn about ourselves through our relationships with others just as readily as we learn about them. Having a secure, compassionate, permissive connection with your coach allows you to really get know what makes you tick and what you really need and want from your other connections. By teaching you how to be in relationship with me in mutually satisfying ways, you come away more confident and empowered in your abilities to have mutually satisfying relationships with others.

Somewhere at the intersection of a private workshop and a therapeutic counseling session, coaching offers the opportunity to take a hands-on approach to cultivating more intimacy with yourself as a profound and essential baseline for sharing true intimacy with others. In a coaching session you might be wrapped up in a loving, nurturing embrace while giving a voice to the unmet needs of your inner child one day and then roll around and wrestle like wild animals the next. A session could be devoted to learning the art of flirtation and seduction or to experimenting with power dynamics. You might spend time narrating your most enticing fantasy or practicing giving and receiving different styles of touch and erotic energy. When there is a moment of discord, be it differing desires or a communication that ends up triggering one of you, rather than that rupturing the entire connection, your coach is deeply committed to true repair with you so you can have a model for that in all your relationships. All this and more awaits you!

Ultimately, as your coach I am here to be a secure anchor for you to relate with, someone who is genuinely committed to helping you get more of what you want out of life and relationships, so much so that I will give you candid constructive feedback just as readily as I’ll get your juices flowing and I’ll help you grow your ability to do the same with me. Because this is not just about giving you a novelty experience. It’s about helping you to cultivate skills and confidence, through direct, embodied experience, that enable you to show up more fully in all of your relationships.