What Happens When Spirituality, Kink, and Care Meet in the Body with KJ Song

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For many people, spirituality and sexuality have been framed as opposites. One is cast as pure, the other suspect. One elevated, the other hidden. In this episode of Deeper with Darshana, Darshana Avila sits down with KJ Song to explore what becomes possible when these artificial divisions dissolve.

This conversation offers a reimagining of faith, kink, and erotic aliveness as deeply embodied practices rooted in care, surrender, and presence.

Reclaiming God as an Inclusive, Erotic Force

KJ speaks candidly about their relationship with the word God, acknowledging how fraught it can feel for queer people who have experienced religious harm. Rather than abandoning the word, KJ reclaims it, naming God as a radically inclusive, queer, trans force of love rather than a punitive authority figure.

This reclamation opens space for spirituality that welcomes doubt, questioning, and mystery. As KJ shares, certainty closes possibility. Faith, by contrast, invites wonder.

Praise as an Embodied Practice

Praise, in this conversation, is not about doctrine or obedience. It is about expression. Singing, sound, movement, and collective resonance become ways of metabolizing grief, joy, rage, and awe.

Darshana reflects on how modern culture often lacks containers for praise, leaving people unsure where to put reverence, gratitude, or surrender. KJ’s work with communal singing offers one such container, especially for queer folks who miss the embodied power of church without the harm.

Kink as Care, Not Transgression

A central insight of the episode is KJ’s framing of kink as a form of care. Rather than focusing on shock value or taboo, KJ describes kink as bodywork, ritual, and presence. Implements, power dynamics, and language become tools for helping people access release, integration, and self-understanding.

KJ draws parallels between kink sessions and pastoral care, noting how many people experience profound emotional and spiritual openings when held in intentional, consensual containers.

Erotic Aliveness Beyond Sex

Throughout the conversation, erotic is named not as synonymous with sex, but as life force itself. Creativity, surrender, praise, intimacy, and vitality all fall under this umbrella.

This broader framing allows erotic experiences to exist outside of romantic or sexual relationships, expanding possibilities for healing and connection.

Queering Care and Love

Darshana and KJ explore queering as an active verb. To queer care is to question assumptions, to expand definitions, and to meet people where they want to be met rather than where we assume they should be.

This practice, they note, has ripple effects far beyond kink or spirituality. It reshapes friendships, families, and communities.

Returning to Ancient Integrations

The episode closes with a sense of remembrance rather than invention. Long before modern divisions between sex, spirit, and healing, many cultures held these as intertwined.

KJ’s work is framed not as something new, but as a return to something ancient, sacred, and urgently needed.

In this episode, we explore:

• Reclaiming the word God outside of shame, fear, and exclusion
• Spirituality as a felt, embodied experience rather than belief alone
• Praise as an erotic, emotional, and communal practice
• Doubt as an essential component of faith rather than its opposite
• Kink as a form of embodied care and pastoral presence
• Platonic kink and non-sexual erotic experiences
• Sex work beyond narrow cultural definitions of sex
• Erotic aliveness as life force, creativity, and vitality
• Why surrender in kink can mirror surrender in prayer
• Care as the common thread linking kink, ministry, and healing
• Queering love, care, and intimacy beyond normative scripts
• Community singing as a site of repair for religious harm
• The lineage of queer, trans, and Black spiritual elders
• Returning to ancient integrations of sex, spirit, and healing

About KJ:

KJ Song (they/them) is a queer music minister, holistic kink practitioner, and Master of Divinity student who leads transformative spaces at the intersection of Spirit, song, and rowdy liberation. As the founder and director of Sing Praise! and The Prayerotic Way, KJ blends Gospel-inspired roots, ritual leadership, and radical welcome to create gatherings that are as joyful as they are healing. They love their piano, bacon, and going to bed at a geriatric hour most of all.

Connect with KJ:

• Voice practice and Sing Praise gatherings: https://www.kjsong.com/singpraise
• Holistic kink sessions: https://prayerotic.com 
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kjpraisesong
• City of Refuge: https://www.cityofrefugeucc.org/

Connect with Darshana:

Darshana has supported thousands of people across the world to claim their Erotic Wholeness. Whether you begin with a self paced journey taken from the comfort of your own home or work with her directly for the transformational experience of a lifetime, your path to the pleasure, power and purpose you’re truly made for is just a step away!

Learn more:

• DarshanaAvila.com/offerings for courses and details about her private practice

• DarshanaAvila.com/community to enter the Galgasm community hub full of free resources

• YouTube.com/@darshana_avila for tons of inspired lessons, interviews and more