Listen On Your Favorite Podcast Players
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YouTubeMost of us think storytelling is something we do on a date, on a stage, or over dinner with friends.
In reality, storytelling is happening constantly inside us.
In this episode of Deeper with Darshana, Darshana Avila speaks with storytelling coach Dawn Jewel Fraser about what they call “storytelling quotient” or SQ.
Your storytelling quotient is your ability to recognize, refine, and reframe the narratives that shape how you see yourself and how you show up in the world.
Internal Stories Drive External Reality
We often assume the stories that shape us are factual and fixed. But many of our core beliefs are interpretations layered onto events.
Perfectionism is one example. If you tell yourself, “If it’s not perfect, it’s failure,” that narrative influences your nervous system, your confidence, and your willingness to take risks.
Worst-case scenario thinking is another. The mind defaults to imagining catastrophe. Rarely do we tell ourselves, “What if this turns out better than I expected?”
Updating your storytelling quotient means noticing these patterns and asking: Is this story serving the life I want to live?
Wound Versus Scar: When to Share a Story
Dawn introduces a powerful metaphor. A wound is fresh and open. A scar is healed, and carries the wisdom of the experience it came from.
Stories told from an open wound require therapeutic care. Stories told from scar tissue can be shaped with intention and meaning.
The difference matters.
If you share from a wound in a public forum, you may retraumatize yourself. If you wait until it becomes scar tissue, you gain perspective and agency.
Discernment: Not Every Audience Gets Every Detail
Another layer of storytelling quotient is knowing what to disclose and when.
You do not owe every person your full history. You can choose which ingredients of your story to include depending on context.
Dawn uses a burrito analogy. Every story has elements: framing, emotional tone, key events, interpretation. Each time you tell it, you choose which “ingredients” to highlight.
The story may be about divorce, grief, identity, or transformation. But the emphasis shifts depending on who is listening and what feels authentic.
Rewriting Relationship Narratives
In real time, Darshana revisits her narrative about her ex-husband. The story once centered heartbreak. Later, it centered friendship. Eventually, it evolved into recalibration.
The truth of the relationship did not change. Her perspective did.
Allowing a story to evolve without shame is narrative maturity.
Storytelling and Intimacy
The way you narrate yourself affects how you show up in love and connection.
If your story says, “I am too much,” you may shrink in relationships.
If your story says, “I always fail,” you may sabotage intimacy.
If your story says, “Change is failure,” you may cling to dynamics that no longer fit.
Updating your story expands what feels possible.
Living with Narrative Flexibility
Storytelling quotient is not about fabricating a better image. It is about increasing awareness and choice.
When you realize that your identity is partially constructed through story, you gain power.
You can soften rigid narratives.
You can reclaim chapters you once felt ashamed of.
You can honor scars without living from wounds.
And most importantly, you can let your story evolve as you do.
In this episode, we explore:
- What “storytelling quotient” means and why it matters
- The difference between public stories and internal narratives
- How perfectionism is reinforced through rigid storytelling
- Why worst-case thinking dominates our inner dialogue
- The metaphor of wound versus scar in story evolution
- How to discern what parts of your story to share and when
- Why not every audience deserves full disclosure
- The Chipotle model for storytelling and choosing your ingredients
- Reframing old relationships without shame
- How updating your story updates your life
- The connection between storytelling and intimacy
- Why flexibility in narrative builds confidence
About Dawn:
Dawn Jewel Fraser is the Founder & CEO of Fraser’s Edge, Inc., which empowers leaders, innovators, and advocates to elevate their potential through the power of storytelling.
She also serves as a Senior Producer at the Stanford Storytelling Project and as a Lead Instructor with The Moth.
Dawn holds a Bachelor’s degree from UCLA, a Master in Public Policy (MPP) from Harvard’s Kennedy School, and was a featured among the nation’s top change makers as a speaker at TED@NYC.
Connect with Dawn:
Website: www.dawnjfraser.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dawnfraser/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dawnfraser/
Connect with Darshana:
Darshana has supported thousands of people across the world to claim their Erotic Wholeness. Whether you begin with a self paced journey taken from the comfort of your own home or work with her directly for the transformational experience of a lifetime, your path to the pleasure, power and purpose you’re truly made for is just a step away!
Learn more:
- DarshanaAvila.com/offerings for courses and details about her private practice
- DarshanaAvila.com/community to enter the Galgasm community hub full of free resources
- instagram.com/darshana_avila/ for real-time bits of insight and connection
- YouTube.com/@darshana_avila for tons of inspired lessons, interviews and more
